Star Wars Episode VII Revealed!

Old Ass Han Solo

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Ewoks vs. Predator

Ewoks vs. Predator

10 Ewoks can take down a Predator

Forget what you know about reality. We’re talking movie physics here. This is a realm where every bomb has a clearly read timer and a bunch of natives wearing loin cloths in a jungle can make a light sensing trap with spikes.

We’re talking Ewoks versus Predator here. And it isn’t a fair fight.

Consider a single 7 foot Predator that could take out 5 heavily armed and extremely well trained commandos was eventually defeated by mud, logs and rocks. These primitive assets are the wheel house of the Ewoks. Consider that it was these assets that took down an entire legion of Stormtroopers complete with AT-ST walkers and speeder bikes.

The Predator can disappear in the trees you argue? Ewoks live in the trees. He won’t be able to hide from them there. Everything within 10 clicks of their village is loaded with booby traps. Why? Because these little teddy bears are vicious.

They were actually going to cook and potentially EAT Han Solo.

This match up isn’t remotely fair. My money’s on the teddy bears. I say 10 of them take down a Predator and cook the poor S.O.B. while singing the Yub Nub song.

Darth Vader Selfie

Darth Vader Takes a Selfie

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Author’s Note: Not to sound petty, Star Wars Instagram, but I thought of this joke about 3 months ago.

Three types of people I generally discourage from following me on social media:

1. Children. Not that my stuff is particularly blue. My sense of humor generally runs PG-13. But with minors, you get parents and that’s a can of worms I prefer not to open.

2. The Very Religious. Don’t get me wrong. Believe whatever you’re going to believe. It makes no difference to me. But I’ve learned from experience the very pious don’t find me particularly funny. Continue reading